So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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