Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize