dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who wears a wallet chain?!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize