I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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