I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
