He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
