You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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