Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What a dumb baby whore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize