Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
