I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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