Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
