So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
