I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
