So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He better not be in your backpack
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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