don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
