Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
