it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
