She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
