Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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