Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
