how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
