Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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