did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
