When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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