my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I want is dick and wine.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize