Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
