Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
