he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
