I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize