i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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