i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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