Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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