Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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