2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
