Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
