He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
