At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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