my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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