My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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