I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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