There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
