dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
