worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm too high and old for this...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize