I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
MIDGETS
????
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
