it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
