do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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