And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
