all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
