this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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