dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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