my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And then he peed in my hair
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
