This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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