He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
