I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
