omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
