i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
