had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
