i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize