90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
