So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
