Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
