She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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