you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
