Kiss
Puke
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
