I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
