im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
