I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
