I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
