i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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