I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
