I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
