we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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