Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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