"it" just moved
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
