I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
