Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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