She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
