He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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