This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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