My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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