I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
