he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize