i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
