K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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