Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize