She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
