Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
