And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
