i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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