why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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