True but thats because hes a fetus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
