We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
