I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize