I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
