It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
