I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize