I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
