fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
