Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
