Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
