Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize