so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
